Why I Hate The Olympics (But Wouldn't If This Were Berlin 1936)

As a sometime athlete, I know how exhilarating it can be to face off against the world's best. Back in my fencing days, one of the people I trained with was ranked 3rd in the world in the under 19 category. She routinely destroyed me. Several times, I got my ass handed to me at the Ontario provincials. There is nothing comparable to world class athletic competition - for athletes, at any rate.

My hatred, then, for the Olympics stems not from a hatred for athletes or athletic competition, but from the view that it does not make sense for all nations to host them and fund them with tax money. The government, as far as I am aware, is making no efforts to allow me to maximize my excellence as a scholar of arcane languages, or compete against other knowers of the arcane; unless we are willing to assert that athletes are more valuable than scholars (or bricklayers, or plumbers, or waitresses, or teachers, &c.) Since, in Canada, for the most part we are too timid to assert any sort of values (we love everyone and think everyone is equal!) this seems unlikely. And of course, there's also the fact that amateur athletes, unlike garbage truck drivers, glass-blowers, and other people with jobs, don't contribute much to the economy.

Under what conditions can such an ostentatious waste of government funds be justified? Under conditions wherein a nation has a vested interest in demonstrating its superiority over the world e.g. Nazi Germany getting ready to take over world world. Though, I confess, these last few years, Canada's 'top men' (pronounced as emphatically as in the second last scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark) have ceased running their foreign policy ideas by me, I suspect that Canada is not gearing up to invade the world. Canada will never assert that it is the superlative at anything (except providing not great but good enough ish health-care) so I'm puzzled by this. In fact, Canada is too much of a pussy to invade itself. That's why in thirty years, after a long wait, the civil service so loved by one of my friends will finally be universally available in both of Canada's national languages: arabic and farsi.

Therefore, since I know it would be unrealistic to expect Canada to suddenly regrow (unfortunately, nationalism is less hardy than cancer) its nationalism (which it gave up with its racism forty years ago) I will settle for a cessation the ostentatious waste that is Canada`s pretend-nationalism. Please, spend my tax money on health care, education, infrastructure, or national defense instead of building a giant causeway inviting Islamic militants to blow themselves to heaven, once again distracting the world so that Russia can invade a worthless country while the world's eyes are elsewhere, and stop pissing away money on a bunch of faggoty athletes that make even shooting rifles look gay.